It is a blessing that at the end of 2008 I learnt a valuable lesson about journalistic photography. I came across an ah ma and ah peh who are living at a hidden alley at the back of some lane in chinatown and instinctively took a shot of their home and walked away. But barely after a few steps I felt that something that I'd done was very wrong and I felt heavy in the heart. I proceeded to walk back to apologise to ah peh, but it was all too late, and I was deservingly welcomed by ah peh with a string of vulgarities and accusations. "Don't you people have anything better to do? Why do you care where I live? I have never begged a single cent from you people, and you pester me and try to chase me out of my home? Those people who kept on coming to ask me stupid qustions about my life and take pictures... why do you disturb me?"
I stood there frozen and feeling lost. He proceeded to shout at some 2 other photographers outside who seems to have met ah peh previously and went back, for reasons I'm uncertain. The sad thing was that they just walked away. However, that was the least I could care. I tried my best to apologise, but I knew his anger comes from way back and can never be eased this easily. I have never felt so sorry in my life. In that moment, I realized that I was starring at the devil straight into his eyes. And through his eyes, I saw myself.
What started as a hope to help the ones who are closer to me, became a mere act of self-indulgence and delusion.
I sat at the bench hidden from view nearby their home and pondered about what I had done for the past year, capturing the scenes of life and poverty in Singapore. Even if it was for awareness, do I really need to do this? There must be a better way of capturing and recording such ordeals of follow Singaporeans without intruding their privacy and life. And beyond just capturing all these photographs, more needs to be done, to help while respecting the feelings of these people. We cannot help out of mere sympathy, but as a follow human being and friend who will be there only when needed, just like any other normal friendship that we have with others. Cause if we are to forcefully take away their pride and respect, we are simply not looking at them as a human being, but more of some being, like how we look at homeless cats & dogs. Without pride & respect, we simply aren't humans anymore.
Sometimes I did it the right way, I became their friend. Most other times, I was an utter bastard.
Often we talk about memories we have and things that we regret losing... but for the year 2008, though naive, I wish that the problems of our suffering poor would one day cease to exist, in which we may finally be allowed to forget the memories of such a life. I pray for strength to keep myself in check till death.
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Clubs:
I have the freedom to stop even when everyone's running...
Bits from A Letter...
Stuck
Peaceful
